missing someone I shouldn't miss

first things first, he was probably never mine,

and I was never his, hers or theirs

because I only met him 5 days ago and 5 days means 'too fast'

too fast for his heart or too fast for hers, but our definition of too fast was just right.

it was enough to get attached 

it was enough to sing love songs and it was enough to let hearts get jittery

but I still feel like I can't miss you

I'm ineligible

but I know I'm perfectly capable

and I think you'd at least give me that, 

because when you sang the line "I've fallen quite hard over you" you sang into my eyes

and you smiled

because in that moment I think you became capable too

and we both became vulnerable.

it was bike rides and random

"I love you to deaths"

because words like that tasted like sugar on our tongues.

the way you talked about God made me feel like home,

and your voice always made my heart weak.

but surely, that was just for that moment because frankly,

no one like you would ever miss me

and unfortunately those 5 days were probably our last.

and that is why I am heartbreakingly ineligible, 

I'm not supposed to miss you

but I will anyways, 

and I think I'll eventually stop

but for now I'll let my heart break a little more

because those 5 days were worth the pain and vulnerability.

lake days

it's something about a mountain breeze and pine trees,

lake days and sun rays;

they make our brains think and our hearts beat

and our lips dry

but that's not anything you couldn't fix.

blue skies like your eyes,

not even the clouds could fog my vision because all I needed to see was you.

and we both know fireworks weren't just in the sky that night,

they were the days spent next to you,

my bravest days. 

they were laughs around the fire and endless boat rides and card games and 29 mosquito bites.

they were your hands and awkward day ones. 

they were bad comebacks and surprise attacks and the way our voices harmonized.

they were us,

unexpected and out of range, 

but realer than anything.

so here's to summer and cabins on the lake and you,

thanks for being so sweet.