sorry, me again

hi. I think I have a few more words in me that I wanted to share about high school.

5:45am on August 21, 2012 

perfect make up, curled hair, freshly waxed eyebrows and bright pink skinny jeans;

I was ready by 6:45 even though my ride didn't come until 7:20 and I was worried my hair would go flat. 

6:45am today "15 more minutes" turned into 30

it was raining and my black jeans seemed to fit best, and one coat of mascara and pink Chapstick seemed suitable.

it was my last day of high school and being on time wasn't on the agenda anyways.

May of '13 all A's and my hair still curled in those perfect waves. my hair was to the middle of my back and red lipstick was too scary to wear to school. my brother still came to church and I wrote poetry on my history notes.

November '14 I chopped 8 inches off and my revlon black cherry lipstick was my new favorite; purple but almost black. 

I was also 40 pounds lighter and wore a state championship ring on my middle finger. my brother hadn't been to church in months and I emailed Nelson and begged him to let me into CW2 for 2 weeks.

January '14 he went from just a crush to a love in one night. his mom called me beautiful, his sister called me stunning, his dad said, "welcome to the family" and all he was brave enough to do was let our knees touch. but that was okay.

soon to be June he's promised to finally teach me to drive stick shift and three nights ago he held my hand for the first time in 7 months. He said "I missed you" and the way he pulled me into dance that rainy night was a reminder of how much I loved him.

how much has changed in these past few years of high school,

for the better

for the worst sometimes

in favor and out of favor

for the my own good

and for my own bad

it's changed. 

and I couldn't be more grateful for the heartbreaks, the crowded halls, my horrible chemistry teacher, Chip, Rhonda, Mr. Birrell's forgiveness, the tennis team, Mrs. Jaynes, orchestra, calculus, G2's, and a creative writing class that Nelson let me be in. 

it changed me, 

and I know this time it was for the better.

bittersweet

I've only known Paris as home for half a year, but it seems as if I've known it for my entire life.

the desks, the blank lines, the people;

familiarity sits on the tip of my tongue, but I still haven't seen the Eiffel Tower yet, my French is anything but fluent and macaroons are probably the worst thing I have ever tasted. 

I'm just a tourist, not a native

and my time here is coming to an end.

Nelson just sent out a text saying to please write your last blog post. 

this whole year has been about "lasts"

last homecoming

last football game

last home match

last calculus test

last kiss

last prom

last day of high school

last, last, last.

and when I look back to my first day of sophomore year and how I got completely lost 3 times I think about how I'll be reliving that in college.

I'm ready for change but I'm not

I'm ready to leave but I'm not

I'm ready to say goodbye to people who I've known for almost 6 years but at the same time I'm not.

and I'm almost positive you all feel the same. 

it's all bittersweet; there is no happy medium or middle median,

just the fact that on May 28 it's all over and our lives are just beginning to start. 

so here's to you all:

McKay, Cole, Kailee, Nelson, Micah, Madeline, Abby W, McCall, Natty, Isaac, Mallary, John, Tanner J, Annie, Morgan, Cass, Colby, Tanner T, CJ, Emma, Sam, Jess, Abby N, Hailey, Taylor, Reags, Natalie, Sara, Hannah, Maddi, Megan, and Michael. My creative writing family.

I can't wait to see what you do and who you become; you all hold a special place in my heart. I hope we all can visit Paris together again one day, and instead maybe we can be natives instead of tourists. It's been an honor flying this plane with you. Even though we broke down a couple times and needed to refuel, I've enjoyed every moment. 

saturday

let's talk about saturday night;

pouring rain

memories made 

and songs that were played on may 16th

and how it well surpassed january 11th,

a day I never thought could be beaten. 

we were like day dreams and fantasies

pretty dresses and loose ties,

cherry sodas and fingers intertwined,

curled lips and brown eyes.

we were us

the us we used to be,

and for the first time in 6 months the middle seat in your truck was saved for me and instead of toleration we were adoration.

we were us.

my little hands that fit with your big ones

and your arms that were always meant to be for my shoulders

and my lips on your cheek were smoother.

we were right.

and Saturday night reminded us of that as we stood there in the rain

chanting names and running away from the police.

we were us.

and "us" is all I've wanted forever;

so shoutout to Saturday night and rainstorms,

thanks for letting it happen.