that's all I'm asking

he told me it was harmless

he told me it was okay

he told me it wouldn't kill him 

he told me not to worry 

but I worried

and I worry

because tonight I found clear capsules and white powder

and last week I saw eye drops

and last month he tested negative

but I don't understand that little minus sign and he doesn't understand God anymore;

church is so foreign,

heaven forbid he remembers the day when his older brother sacrificed his life for him.

and sometimes he laughs at my belief and at my agony;

the pain is so sharp I think it makes the cuts in my heart a little deeper with every breath.

it's like that metal between his teeth and the girl under his lips are more important than the sister who held him when he was born 

and the mother who gave him butterfly kisses 

and the father who taught him to drive when he was only 6. 

we are eternity, she is temporary

and drugs kill eternity.

drugs kill eternity

drugs freaking kill eternity and my eyes, they are wet with anger and my head can only take so much 

so please god make him stop 

and please God make him better.

I promise I've tried,

my faith wasn't strong enough and frankly all of which I had for him is on the tail end.

he's drowning, I'm drowning

and everyone around us is still breathing;

so please God, please.