eat, sleep, think, repeat.

spring break comes with a routine:

eat, think, eat, sleep, think, eat, think, think, think

think

sleep

repeat.

there is too much time for my mind to wander, and call me crazy but I would rather read my language textbook than be thinking.

I've looked everywhere for the off switch 

so I could listen to the waves crash without hearing the faint sound of your soft voices echoing with the whitewater.

it's replaying in my mind like a 

scratched cd;

his weak smile and sparks in his eyes; a heartbreaking sense of longing and lust with you;

and the scary part is that

they both make sense.

but my lungs are growing weak from the exhaustion of running away from what I want most,

and my heart is confused on the subject of friendship.

the empty feeling is becoming constant and I want it to leave,

but I want it to leave the right way.

so, to love with pain and longing

or to love unfaithfully;

because no matter how much I love him I will always have the thought of you in the back of my broken mind

wishing every kiss, every touch

every conversation

was with you. 

it's a sick disease 

and unfortunately I cannot imagine the day where I will finally be able to say,

"I don't love you anymore"

maybe someday you'll take a good look into my eyes

and see past the thick layer of whatever was holding you back and think, "it's always been her"

because I know for myself 

it'll always be you.