reality

the thought of facing reality on friday has been haunting me since I left two saturdays ago.

reality means spanish tests and learning about how to make someone's heart beat again

it means pretending to care about the pointless lunch conversations and choking on guilt at the sight of you.

I tried to forget about it while I was away but you must of injected me with grief and pain because every time I opened my eyes my first thought was you;

not because I want you

not because I still love you

but because I miss you.

we were odds and evens

a mix of hazel and deep brown

and an octave slightly out of tune

but we still sounded good.

but it's been four weeks

it's been FOUR weeks and babe I'm afraid it'll go to five;

maybe add six more onto that.

I bet after eleven we will be numb,

our memories wiped and yearbooks unsigned.

we won't walk at graduation together;

you won't recognize me wearing that dull shade of maroon and you will blend in with the other boys in black;

and when they call our names we won't acknowledge the history behind the letters because we won't care anymore.

it's hard to think about not caring.

but it may just be easier

and maybe if I don't care I can finally give my heart to that boy in fourth period because I won't be worrying about how I'm going to explain myself to you

or when I'm going to dial your number and actually press send

when I'm going to respond to your texts you sent five weeks ago

I loved you.

im sorry too.

I understand, I think.

but trying to go back to journey and sub zero on school nights won't happen.

she will be there

it won't be bad but it won't be the same

the ice cream will be bitter

and 'faithfully' won't sound as good when it comes on 94.1

2013 won't be 2015

and the octave will be flatter than it has ever been.

I guess forgetting will have to be okay.