I don't know.

I don't know what to say or do to make this situation more endurable because tragedies like this don't just go away with "rest in peace" and "I love you".

they linger and they tug at our hearts;

our eyes become familiarly wet and the mental exhaustion sets in at an early time of 11:35am. 

it's unfortunate lone peak knows this routine by heart.

high schoolers shouldn't have to know it

NOBODY should have to know it. 

today we wore dresses and suits and ties.

the sky was grey.

I like to believe it was mourning with us;

it cried frozen tears and had clouds too thick not even the thinnest ray of sun could peek through. 

today wasn't happy.

and that's okay. 

it was okay to cry,

it was okay to hug,

it was okay to just be sad.

I didn't know Terik very well

I didn't know his suffering and I didn't know what hurt

and I still don't know what to say. 

but I knew his intelligence and blue eyes.

I knew his humor and on the first day of junior year I knew his handwriting. 

I'm sorry I couldn't see through it;

I'm sorry I couldn't see through the squiggly letter k's

and I'm sorry I couldn't hear the cry in your voice when you would greet me at Zupas.

I'm sorry Terik. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. that's all I know how to say.

this is just what I've been feeling today.

PS you guys, I really do love you all. all day i wanted to just be with you because I knew you guys would understand and feel with me. it was so nice just to be together and to talk, I know we all needed it and we needed each other. you guys rock. never stop being you ever.